So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hippo gnu deer
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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