I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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