Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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