I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
People in love make me want to vomit
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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