Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
