Only a mothe r could love this liver
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize