Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize