More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
