If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
