drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
