I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
