You made me cry and you don't even care
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
