just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
