I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
