Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
