just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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