ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
