I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
