I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
