I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
