He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
