I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
