During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
