This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
