Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
