Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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