Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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