i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
