Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
