I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
