my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
