im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
