I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
