The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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