She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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