I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
