THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize