god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
