I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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