Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize