Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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