I wanna passion pit in your ass
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
