I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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