I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
