i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
