Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
