The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't deserve a penis
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
