Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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