I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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