I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
