so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize