Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Found the puke drawer
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
