Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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