Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
