dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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