You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
