he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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