Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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