Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
