when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
