just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
