we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
