had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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