it hurts more in the daytime
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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