i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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