Already got asked if we're dating
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
