whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
