I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
