No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
