that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
