Your dad touched me again.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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