...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
