i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Of course I have a pirate flag
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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