maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
