My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
