and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
